And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
