Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
