Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
