Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
