i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Please don't give away my fajitas
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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