you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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