He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
