awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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