I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
