Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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