He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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