I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The best revenge is premature balding
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
