she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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