and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
