is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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