Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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