White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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