this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
