we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
