I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize