you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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