Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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