I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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