Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
this is an emotional support booty call
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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