Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
