Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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