i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
