I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
