Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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