the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i love accidental penises.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
