I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
