i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
