I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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