dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you traded sex for a burrito?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
