We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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