I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize