you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
