CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
