I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
