Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
