Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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