i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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