She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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