Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
