Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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