you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
