I think I am morally bankrupt
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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