I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
