I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
