So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
