So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
