I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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