I am puke
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
