i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
