please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
