i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
no you cant smoke seaweed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
