Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
