so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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