My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Boobs speak an international language.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
