I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
