I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
