isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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