She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize