I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
