I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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