2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Your dad touched me again.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
